December

A few months ago, I began a sporadic search for a therapist. I’ve wanted therapy since the ninth grade. I am 25 years old.

This week I fell sick. I was home for two days and during that time I was also…”suffering” from a really low mood brought on by what may have been a misconception of someone else’s attitude towards me. This is a pattern I have noticed in myself where my mood takes a sudden drop at the idea of someone being displeased with me in anyway. In my head, I know this is nonsensical, but the sudden drop in my mood always occurs as a reaction that I have no time to think about or any control over. I am always having to talk myself out of it, because I know it doesn’t make sense for me to feel the way I do, or at least not as strongly.

Today, after reaching out to several therapists in my area throughout the week, someone finally got back to me with a positive response – except I’m not really available when she is. I knew this would be a problem.

In any case, I’m writing this here because I keep seeing myself typing on a computer. Suddenly I want to share again – to no one in particular, to anyone who might happen to read this.

To you, whoever you are, I’m starting to do things with intention. Wherever you are in your life, don’t be too hard on yourself.