Five Minutes

I want to lie down.
I know there are things to do
And time not to do them in,
But I want to lay
Myself down and wrap my body
In a blanket
Of nice thoughts –
Daydreams that will almost
Certainly never come true,
But that will make me
Feel slightly better
For the next five minutes.

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Goodbyes

I’m not good at goodbyes,
but I’m not sure
how people do without them –

how they leave
without so much
as mentioning
that they are,
in fact,
leaving.

I think
they underestimate
the impact
they have on others.

I think
they think
they won’t be missed,

but they are.

They always are.

The end of the week
Is already here.
I’ve been waiting
Ahead of time.

The days no longer try
To hide.
I know.

There is now
No distinction
Between them.
The scales from my eyes
Have been removed.

This is all one
Continuum,
But one day
I will end.

It’s raining outside and I’ve never seen anything more reflective of my insides.
I still call them that, because I’m not sure I believe in souls, so I can’t say I have one.

It’s really fall now. Leaves have finally started decorating the concrete.
Nature in the midst of buildings. One jungle inside another.

There’s music playing on my laptop. I’ve never heard the song, but it’s beautiful.

The kind of beautiful I want to be when I grow up. The kind I can point to and say “puberty did that”.

But high heels and rain don’t go together. Neither does this new song with my mood.

Skip.

This one is okay. The tempo is a bit too quick, but I’ll leave it.

There’s purple near the ground and a colour like turmeric still hanging on to the limbs.

I hate when people stop outside the door. It makes me nervous. They can turn around and see me at any minute. I don’t want to be seen – not by them. I’m not ready.

It’s been raining for days, so I haven’t been able to wear my new sneakers. The running shoes I bought so I wouldn’t have an excuse, but that I’ve only used twice. I’ve decided to just wear them now. No sense in wasting a perfectly good pair of shoes.

A perfectly good life. A perfectly good day. Except is there any such thing? Was there ever any such thing?

To combat low self esteem you should look your best at all times.

Yeah – because that definitely works.