From the Notes on My iPhone

The alone thing isn’t something I can’t pretend is not there. I have never seen it with my eyes actually, but it talks to me. Isn’t that strange? Something I can’t see talks to me.

I imagine it as a thick fog surrounding me and pressing against my body. I look around and no one’s there, but something is touching me. Oh, it must be loneliness again. I slump, becoming comfortable with the familiar presence of my unwanted friend, knowing it won’t be leaving soon. Not that I mind, really. It’s better than nothing. Right?

I exhale, open my laptop and go back to the episode I was watching. It’s right where I left it. I soon forget my friend as I fall into a whole other world. I laugh at all the funny stuff, and get mad at the bad guy who’s always overhearing things that can help him. I get mad at the good guy too, because he’s too stupid to realize what’s going on. I keep at it until I can’t anymore and then I close the lid of my laptop and turn on my right side. Music. I find a station and play it, adjust the volume and then I try to settle down again. How many hours before I need to get up? Whatever.

Swollen Eyes

my swollen eyes
my pillow
and i
sat talking
in the afternoon
i had just woken up
just finished crying
and i had no one
to talk to

i took to writing
and i made fire
on the pages
but when i was done
my heart still burned

i cried some more
played a game
then stopped
after i kept on losing

my heart
was still burning
inside my chest

and i sat there
with my pillow
and my swollen eyes

Texting the Gospel

“Sorry to ask you this, but is Jesus really first in your life?”… I hissed my teeth and, after looking at the other notification in my lock screen, which was from a game I was certain I did not allow to send me push notifications, I put my phone back inside my pocket.

The message was from an aunt I owed some money. I thought she was going to ask me about that and I was already getting tense just thinking about it, until I saw the “Jesus”.

I really dislike messages like that. I don’t know why she keeps sending me those lately. She probably means well, people who send those messages usually do, but I really don’t like it. I don’t ever read them. I even delete them sometimes. I respond with a smile or something, to acknowledge…I don’t know, the good intentions behind the message, but I wish people would stop sending those to me.