After the Happy Ending

I try to stay inside
the fairytale
After I’ve read the last words
That tell me
A happy ending was had
By all.

I lie still
And relive
As many moments as I can remember.
I hear the words.
I see the movements.
I allow myself
To be washed
By silent emotions
Until the waves
Grow tired
Of crashing
And eventually recede
To their rightful place.

Even then,
I dare not move.
I shudder
At the thought
Of returning
To life as I know it,
So devoid
Of passion,
Of rhythm and movement,
Of action and drive,
Of purpose.

I find the music
And let it carry me
For as long as it is able,
Till I must finally
Answer the call of reality
And walk in its shadow again.

no explosion

no explosion.

i sink
into my smile,
allowing my shoulders to rise
and hug my neck

the music
coming through my earphones

no explosion.

the day didn’t go up
in flames.

i let myself breathe
for the first time

since waking up this morning.

i look forward
even more now
to seeing my friend after work.

no explosion.
no fire.
no flames.

i sink
into my smile

and rest

in joy.


clocks that work
smiles that are genuine

i lower my head
and concentrate
on the discomfort
around my right temple


it’s not quite doing the trick,
but i drink it anyway
because i’ve told myself
that it will work.

i talked about my father today.

i drank with him two weeks ago.

my forehead.
the discomfort has moved there now.
i’m still drinking the tea.

one person.
a friend.

i still can’t believe my mother is dead.
life is a shit hole.

i don’t have enough money to get out of it yet,
but i dream about the days when i will be out




there will be pictures
and languages,
i will feel good.

when i’m not away,
i’ll do work that i love.
i will not dread each day as it begins

and in all this loving and seeing
and colour,
maybe i’ll find a clock that works
and smiles that are genuine
from one person.
a friend.


Lost in sad songs
I feel my full bladder
And ignore it
Because there are other things
That are becoming too much for me

I check the time again
And it’s early enough
I think again
About all the things I want
And feel my empty hands:
None of them are there.

I roll over
And look at another spot on the wall.
I’m waiting for something –
For this night to pass,
This feeling maybe.

I’ve been waiting for a while.


I realise I’m alone in the world
As I lie on my right side
And feel my heart beat
While the light
From my scented candle
Flickers against the far wall.

I’m sick.
And this time I have chosen to rest.
Remedies, natural and otherwise,
Have not worked in the past.

I yearn for a body to hold
And realise there isn’t one
I can bring near me.

I keep watching Hulu.
What else is there to do?