I really don’t know if I should try to be strong and responsible or block everything out and just forget it, or curl up inside and beg God to kill me. … Of course I had the urge to pray… I don’t care. Let whatever happen. That’s how I’ve been living anyway. This is life huh? Exactly why I don’t want any part of it.

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Not Yet

I cried
As I sang to God,
Asking Him to hear
What I was saying
Because I couldn’t talk
To Him
With spoken words,
Not yet.

Wondering how the words
I wrote
So long ago
Were so perfect
For right now.

I closed my book
And hung my head
But I didn’t say anything,
Though there was some movement
In the darkness
Of my mind.

I hope He heard from that,
Because I can’t talk to Him
Now,
Not yet.