Sitting in the Dark

Yesterday at work while I took my break in the back, the lights went out after a while. A sensor thing. I was sitting in one spot for a while and I guess my movements weren’t large enough so the lights went out. I knew from previous experience that in order to get the lights back on I’d have to get up from where I was sitting and probably take about two steps or wave my hands frantically for about two seconds. I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t need the lights anyway.

I was eating oatmeal from a mug and scrolling through my Facebook news feed. A librarian’s office was right in front of me too and light was on in there. It was enough for me to see what I needed to. She was busy though, and she had earphones in. She didn’t notice when the lights went out in the main area where I was. I was surprised then when I suddenly heard her say “Excuse me, but you’re sitting in the dark!” We laughed. She’s funny, so it’s hard not to laugh when she talks. I told her the lights went out. She knew then. She expressed the same thoughts I had about having to move to get them back on. I told her I wasn’t doing that. I was quite fine. She then laughed again and said something like “Okay, because I thought maybe you had some issues you need to discuss.” We laughed again. She had no idea.

I’m sitting in the dark right now. This time on purpose. I just finished writing in my journal, and crying. I turned the lights off in my room because they were too bright and they were offending me for some reason. Music was already playing on my phone and I brought it next to me and used the flashlight from it to see what I was writing. Then I got my earphones, put them in, and turned the volume all the way up. It just wasn’t loud enough and that was offending me too. Now I have the music on full volume without the earphones. I don’t need them anymore.