I think I’m mentally preparing myself – either that or I’m just worrying – for the upcoming school year. It’s going to be my last year as an undergraduate student and I think it is going to be the hardest year of my life.
I’m going to be working two part-time jobs while going to school full-time and also interning for 16 hours each week. I have no idea when or how I will find time to do any homework or when I’ll sleep. I imagine myself drained, always drinking coffee which I’ll swear is useless but will drink anyway, and never having time for anything at all outside of the aforementioned. I don’t even think I’ll have time to make social phone calls, not that I do that often anyway. The other day I thought of letting my dad know how busy I was going to be so that he wouldn’t bug me about not calling him.
Today, on my way from one job and to the other, I envisioned myself passed out on the floor of my apartment. I missed work and school and was eventually found by a housemate and then taken to the hospital, after which my family was somehow found out and contacted. The vision goes downhill from there as my father endeavours to compile a list of reasons the incident is my fault.
I know. It’s a bit much. I’ve come to realise lately that my mind goes rather quickly to worst case scenarios.
Still, I really want to get over this year. It’s going to be hard, but at the end of it I’m going to walk across a stage and receive a Bachelor in Social Work degree, which I will accept knowing that I worked my ass off for it. At the end of the year I will have become a stronger person, knowing that I too can suffer hardships in life and overcome them.