Becoming a Woman

I’m not used to having what feel like grown up conversations with my father. It’s strange. I still feel like a small child around him, so when he talks to me like we’re on the same footing I’m uncertain as to what I am supposed to do. I’m not used to him relating to me like someone on the same level as him. He usually just tells me to do something, or that he’s going out. If not that, then he’s teaching me something I didn’t know about politics, or telling me something that’s from the Bible. These recent conversations where he’s talking to me like a person…are so different. He’s not talking down to me – well, not so much. He’s actually speaking to me like I’m an adult too and like it’s okay now to include me in these kinds of things. They’re like the conversations he has with my older sister. When they talk they don’t sound like father and daughter to me. They sound like too adults. I always found that a bit unusual, and now that it’s happening to me it’s even more strange. What am I supposed to do with this newfound… what on earth is this called? Status? Yes, I’ll go with that. What am I supposed to do with this newfound status? The other day, in another one of our conversations, my father told me that I was a “big woman” (our Jamaican way of saying grown woman). I was astonished that he said that to me, and that he meant it. I still think about that phrase sometimes and wonder what it really means for me, and what I should do with it…

I’m at a serious loss here…

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