It’s Not A Big Deal

I’m trying to tell myself it’s not a big deal. That I said something I probably shouldn’t have. That I made a mistake. That I’m not in an ideal situation. That I wasted time.

It’s not a big deal that I may have hurt someone’s feelings. It’s not a big deal because my feelings get hurt too.

It’s not a big deal that no one listens to me. I just don’t have one of those voices, or those personalities. The ones people listen to. The ones that people pay attention to. It’s not a big deal.

I don’t have to be a straight A student this semester. My mother died. I missed a month. Everyone knows. They understand. I don’t need to pressure myself. It’s not a big deal.

It’s not a big deal that I haven’t stopped eating meat yet. I’m not fully independent. I don’t have the means to do that. It’s not going to kill me. I’m going to die anyway. It’s not a big deal. Please stop stressing over it.

The same with exercise. It’s not a big deal. Forget that I spent money and bought weights and a workout mat that was too short. It’s not a big deal. It’s also not a big deal that I asked for a skipping rope and got one and can’t remember the last time I used it. It’s not a big deal. It’s okay that I don’t have the dashboard flat stomach like that woman from the romance novel I read in high school. The one I think will make me just perfect. It’s not a big deal. I’m lazy anyway, so I should stop thinking about it unless I’m going to do something about it. Seriously.

I should also stop chastising myself when I realise I’m going to be late for something. The world isn’t going to end. Everyone’s not going to hate me. I like being on time, but all I have to do is get up a little earlier so I can avoid being late in case things happen. Again, I’m lazy, so I should stop feeling bad about it unless I’m going to start doing something different.

It’s not a big deal that I’ll have to miss out on some things because they’re too expensive. It’s okay. Not the first or last time. I should be okay with the things I have experienced. I should try to be okay.

It’s okay girl. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.

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