Homework and Heartache

I keep opening blank pages and then closing them because I want to write, but I don’t know what to write. I don’t know if should write rhetorical questions or talk about the terrible way I feel, or if I should just say that I’m really busy trying to catch up with the work I missed while I was away. Should I talk about missing my mother, or that I’m broke? What about that I don’t want to do any work at all? I just want to lie down and cry to sad music.

I read a post yesterday, I mean early this morning because I wasn’t sleeping yet, about how when you feel bad you can turn that into a blog post. I tried that. It didn’t work. I think I tried writing poem. It was going well at first, but then it veered off, and I saved it as a draft in the poetry category and closed the page. Today I opened a new post again and closed it before finishing the first sentence. This is my third try.

I had an argument with my boyfriend last night. I cried. I had been wanting to cry the entire day, but I talked myself out of it each time. I didn’t get any homework done all of yesterday. I tried three different assignments. I didn’t get anywhere on any of them. I’m never going to have my mother to talk to again. To complain to. To share good news and laugh with. And my assignments still sit undone waiting for me. And time is still moving. And I’m still sitting here.

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6 thoughts on “Homework and Heartache”

    1. :) No problem. It did inspire the post. The thing is I’ve cried already, twice. I know that’s not enough (my mother did die after all), but I’m trying not to give in when I feel like forgetting the world and just lying on my bed. I’m trying to be strong and not use every bad thing as an excuse to give up and cry. Granted this doesn’t work very well because I tend to always want to do that. It’s just that I know it won’t help anything and I’ll regret it afterwards when time catches up on me, which it always does.

      Thanks for the comment, the like, and your post, and thanks for sharing it in the blog share. Thanks for following too.

  1. Hi Sorayajan,
    You are right! When I feel bad…writing a blog post wouldn’t do much of anything for me.
    So I just talk to God…and listen to him.
    One day after my first wife left unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, I was feeling so bad and alone.

    I was looking in the bathroom mirror, trying to shave. I heard an inner voice say; “…yes but I love you.” I think it was God. Funny thing is, I’m not religious at all.

    So anyway, I began to feel better immediately…and I was smiling again, after 2 weeks of hell.

    Well I was hooked. My “inner voice” or God as some call it is so much comfort to me.

    Finally, I am much misunderstood when I talk about my “inner voice” or God. People want to put me in a box. Religious people say I’m a mystic, and non-religious people think I’m a “bible thumper.”

    Actually I’m just a regular guy trying to live my life. But I have found someone who will never leave me and always understands me.

    Oops, I have written too much probably. Anyway, I hope you get to feeling better…and I will say a prayer for you.

    Jack

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