I’m Alright

I’m…alright, I say.
I’m alright, I think.
I smile like I am.
I live like I am.

I’m not.

I don’t want to
plan a funeral.

I don’t want to
have to rely on
memories and photographs
for the rest of my life
to remember my mother.

I don’t want to think
about her house and
how much is left
to pay on the mortgage
that she’s been paying
since I was
six years old.

I don’t want to
go through her things
and find something
to do with them.

I don’t want to
find out if
she has a will
or not.

I don’t want to
hear about suing
the doctors
that did a bad job
on her surgery.

I don’t want to
receive messages
asking how I am
and expressing condolences
over my loss.

I don’t want to
say I’m alright.

I don’t want to
say I’m alright,
or have people tell me
how strong I am
because I’m holding up
so well.

I don’t want to
answer any more
questions
about how my sister
is doing or hear
about how I’ll have to
stay close to her
and guide her
especially now
that my mother
has died.

I don’t like it
that my mother
has died.

I don’t like it
that I’m missing
school.

I don’t like it
that I don’t know
how I’ll catch up
once I go back.

I don’t like
any of this…
but what the
fuck can I do?

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “I’m Alright”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s