A Morning Message

I woke up this morning to a message from the sister I had spoken to at church last time. She referred me to a chapter in a book, one that I happen to have read already, and said that she was sure I’d find comfort. She then told me to have a wonderful day.

She was referring me to a book. The brother referred me to a verse in the Bible. The Bible. This only stood out to me because a fellow blogger had written a blog post about how referring atheists to the Bible or some other religious book was not the thing to do in order to convince them that Christianity was valid. Sure I’m not an atheist, and I guess since they know me as a strong Christian they thought it might be okay to refer me to those books, but I had…well like I said, that stood out to me because of the blog post I had read before. (What I wanted to say was that I had read both these books already, but neither of them were strong enough to keep me in the faith.)

The second thing that I noticed was that she said I would find comfort. I didn’t want that. I thought about it before, and I don’t want religion to make me comfortable. I want it because it’s real and it’s true. I don’t want some fake thing that everyone else has that will make me feel good. I can probably take drugs for that. I want something thick and solid that nothing can rip through. That’s what I thought I had, but that wasn’t it. It wasn’t impenetrable, it wasn’t unbeatable. That makes it hard for me to trust it again. I was never looking for comfort from the beginning, only truth.

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4 thoughts on “A Morning Message”

  1. Just stumbled across your blog this afternoon and read several of your posts. your writings take me back to a season of my life where my faith was sifted to an extent it felt like the ground beneath my feet was no longer steady..it scared the you know what out of me. And it went on for a time, felt like what I thought was faith was no longer working. Wondered if everyone who called themselves Christians were not in fact deceived, and it was a big hoax. One of the things you said in this post is very powerful and encouraging..you are just hungry for the truth. not to be coddled..but something unshakable. Reminds me of a verse from 1 Peter…talking about gold being tested by fire (though also perishable) is like a person’s faith….You are also @ that season in your life, where the faith that you grew up with as a child is now being sifted…and as you mentioned you are now in your early 20’s…you are right on time ;-) You are right where you need to be, and as a dad myself of 4 kids, I want to encourage you. You are not going crazy, and I sense a genuine seed of faith in your heart. It is a good thing, this sifting that you are experiencing..you’ll eventually come out the other side (hopefully sooner than later) ;-) and be stronger for it. That hunger for absolute truth is a God thing….Here’s hoping you find yourself in a quiet safe harbor from the storms that are currently buffeting your soul… I will be praying for you. DM

    1. Thank you. Thank you very much. I also think that this is some kind of thing (phase) that I’m going through, and I wonder when it will end and what it will be like after it’s over. I wonder what God is going to do to pull me back to Him (He always does that) or what will happen in my life that will push me to Him. I’m not doing this intentionally, and I still do believe in His existence. I just don’t think it’s right to close my eyes to things that don’t make sense to me, pretend they’re not there, and tell other people to come join my lifestyle when I’m not even sure of it. I too hope this will end sooner rather than later and I hope it will end up being a good thing that strengthens me and not something that completely ruins me. Thanks again for stopping by.

      1. absolutely do not close your eyes to things that don’t make sense,etc. Your words read like authentic prayers to God. How long have you been wrestling with this sort of stuff? If you don mind, I decided to subscribe to your blog this morning. DM

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